Argo Voslant, Adjutant to Sturmbrigadier Shabbant K'zharn, 1st Brigade, 7th Infantry Division, MXII Legio, Imperial Army, Kharalian, Palace of the Gate of Doom, Satrapy of Althanda
Dear Alderman Carmon of Windyvale,
It is with great regret that I report the detention and summary execution of four youngsters claiming to be residents of your village. Their names we ascertain to be Justinian, Illanda, Shimo and Zasp. Please inform their families and contact us as soon as possible to arrange transit of their remains for interment. In the meantime, we have preserved them in accordance with the Kirian rite; my humble apologies if we thereby erred.
In the usual course of events, this would mark the proper limit of correspondence on behalf of the Imperial Army. However, a marked increase in the number of foolish young heroes leading assaults on the Opal Throne has been noted, and in this case I find myself moved by the circumstances. My own brother was forced to bring two of these youngsters down himself in defense of His Refulgent Majesty's interests, and the days since have not been easy for him. We are accustomed to fending off mighty barbarians, honorable knights and powerful sorcerers, but this is entirely too much.
These were children, Mr. Carmon. Children.
I know youngsters can be excitable, but by your inaction, you are allowing your own offspring to waste their lives in futile rebellion. And if you are encouraging them (one of them was convinced a rusted blade, for which he was apparently forced to pay 5g by your own village merchant, was the "ancestral scire of Windyvale's destiny") then shame on you. As agents of the Imperial Army, it is our job to crush resistance with an iron fist. This should not entail defending the Empire from its own sons.
As absurd as it is to discuss with apparent insurgents the intricacies of combat... what on Earth are you telling them? Flamboyant, brightly-dyed hairdos confer no advantage in a tactical situation, Mr. Carmon. Ten foot-long swords, despite their reach, are in fact deleterious to one's combat performance. Buxom combatants should know that mobility in the face of danger comes secondary to the need for adequate protection—can you not even appropriately equip them at the outset?
It is not the case that sudden advances in experiential context will restore one's health in the midst of battle. One's adversaries will not wait patiently for you to rifle through your possessions in search of useful items. It is not possible to drag around countless miscellaneous objects without impediment. There is little of value to be found in ruins, abandoned mines or cave systems. Where do they pick up all this nonsense?
No soldier is honored by meaningless slaughter. Ensure that I never have to write to you again.
Sincerely yours,
Argo Voslant, Adjutant to Sturmbrigadier Shabbant K'zharn
MXII Legio, Imperial Army